QuarterLife Girl Gets Fit!

Archive for the ‘Insecurities’ Category

That title is a little deceptive. I have been losing weight, albeit slowly.

Here’s the thing: I’m in my second month of P90X, and I haven’t even hit the 5lb weight loss mark yet. I’m not blaming the program by any means….I know it’s all about what I’m eating….but, really?!! A girl I know just started it, and last week she posted an update on Face book: 1st week, and 2 pounds loss. Ugh….it frustrates me.

On top of that, I’m STILL not below the BF’s weight! He weighs himself whenever he comes over, and yesterday we were at the same weight!

If I keep focusing on my frustrations though, I know exactly what’ll happen…..I’m going to reach right for the french bread and brie. (What a dreamy combination….[sigh]) So, instead, I’m going to end with the positives (which, incidentally occupy my mind about 70% of the time, so it’s not all gloom and doom in these parts.)

1. I feel thinner! I think I can see the difference in the mirror, although my clothes isn’t quite showing it yet. Neither is the tape measure.

2. I end the workouts in much better shape! Sure, I get worn out, but I no longer want to die!  I feel stronger. I can actually feel my core, and I keep thinking to myself that when I finally lose the fat at least I’ll have a head start with the muscle!

3. The flexibility I’ve gained is awesome. I remember when I did my first “X Stretch”….I was pretty stiff, and couldn’t firmly grip my ankles when doing a seated one-leg hamstring stretch. Now I can grab my heel and almost touch the ground with both elbows. It feels great.

4. This morning I weighed in at 157.5, and this afternoon at 157.0. That is my first 5-lb loss milestone!! Now, I’m not ready to collect my rewards just yet, but I’m SO close! I just need to maintain this, and weigh in at 156.5 at least once for me to believe it. Actually….I think my official “test” should be to weigh in at that weight on a Monday….after going through the weekend. (And weighing in at 156.5 just once.)

5. I’m losing weight slowly, which I’m hoping means I’ll be able to sustain it in the long run. These last 5 pounds (162-157) I’ve lost them several times…..at least 5 I’m sure! This will be the final time I lose them! I haven’t done anything drastic….just exercise more and eat a little bit less. (I haven’t even cut out carbs this time!) That is my biggest comfort….I’m in it for the long haul!


I’ve experienced a series of reality checks this week. None particularly good. (Are they ever good?)

1) I realized that although I’ve been working out every day for the past 3 weeks, I’ve still gained weight. THAT is how much crap I’ve been eating.

2) I realized that the BF has lost weight, and I have gained weight….to the point that he now weighs 1 pound less than I do. HOLY CRAP. (And that is WITH all the muscle he has gained.)

3) I realized that I’m back at the weight I was when I started this blog. While that wasn’t my rock bottom, that’s when I started to feel desperate to lose weight. Why am I not feeling the same desperation now? Have I become complacent? Do I need my mirrors replaced?!

Anyway, the second realization led me into a kind of panic. (Some of you might laugh at my overreaction….but I still can’t shake it.) I weigh more than my BF. It’s like he WON or something….and I lost. And now I have no way of catching up unless I stop eating. I’m not sure why I can’t shake this feeling of urgency, but either way, it just discourages me because I know there’s no way I can just stop eating. Which makes me just want to give up and stuff my face with Archer Farms Cranberry Cinnamon Caramel Clusters. (Which, by the way, are banished from my apartment forever.) It makes me want to run away to get liposuction in some South American country….because that’s the only way I’ll lose the weight before he finds out.

Yes, I know I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t deny that I’ve had those thoughts.

On the bright side, I think I have the workout portion of the equation down. I’ve been working out consistently, and (dare I say it) I’ve even enjoyed most of those workouts. With the exception of the Yoga X, I look forward to my workouts (and I’m working on enjoying the yoga a little more….my balance just really sucks, lol). It’s slightly comforting to know that if I can just eat well I’ll go a lot farther with my weight loss.

Goal Progress

Weight Goal: 140 lbs
Starting Weight: 159.0 lbs (Starting 1/12/09)
Current Weight: 162.0 lbs
Weight Lost: -3.0 lbs
Pounds left to first mini-goal (157.0): 5.0 lbs
Pounds left to lose: 22.0 lbs
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