A New Chapter

Posted by: quarterlifegirl on: December 7, 2009

• In: Beck
• 2 Comments

So many exciting things happened this weekend. Some good, some not-so-good….some have me in conflict. Either way, there was one highlight I’m excited to share!

Late last week Jen (Prior Fat Girl) asked if her readers wanted to read a book with her….the “Beck Diet for Life”. Normally I’m wary of any diet book that claims it’s “for life” (it’s GOT to be a marketing scheme, right?!) , but when she wrote some highlights the book claimed I was intrigued. It claimed that you will “ learn to think differently and overcome dieting pitfalls and sabotaging thoughts. Feel control in the most challenging situations – no matter what. Remain motivated to maintain weight loss for life”. My biggest problem is emotional eating, and sabotaging thoughts, so I thought this would be great for me.

So Saturday morning I head over to the library with my checkbook, paid my fines ($26, holy crap!) and then it occurred to me to see if they had the book. THEY DID! Two copies, at that! So I grabbed it and ran. (Not without legally checking it out though.)

I got home, and later that night started reading. And kept reading. And then read some more. I was hooked.

Now, they don’t lie when they say you need to commit yourself to doing what they say. Lots of the things seem a little cheesy to me, and I admit I must look like a pathetic loonie to others, but I need for this to work!

I’m going to go off on a tangent now, but I casually mentioned to the BF I was going to put myself through some Cognitive Therapy to get over my eating problems. (I didn’t want to tell him “I’m following the Beck Diet”, and cognitive therapy is pretty much the strategy they use to get you to control your habits as part of the plan.) His reaction really hurt me….he started lecturing about all I need to do is stop eating crap and eat healthy. Now, I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean any harm, but it’s so hard for me to talk about my stress eating and binging and whatnot to begin with….when he lashed out like that it made me feel like crap. Like I’m weak and useless for having these issues to begin with. I’m not an idiot, I know that if I just replaced the cheetos I keep binging on with carrots it wouldn’t be such a big deal. However, it doesn’t take away the fact that I need to comfort myself with food. Even if it’s not junk food I’m eating, I don’t want to have that issue. Lately I’ve been chewing through packs of gum as if I was a chain smoker (I’ve become a “chain chewer” again.) Sure, there’s less than 5 calories per piece, but a normal person wouldn’t have that urge, and THAT is what I need to fix.

(Now, if I could only relate that back to him without getting emotional and/or defensive.)

Oh, another tangent now. One of the things you have to do is weigh yourself every day, and only ONCE a day (it’s just a number!). So, I went to my parents house and picked up the scale. When I got home I stepped on, and got a REALLY bad wake-up call. I weighed in at 166 pounds. I hadn’t weighed that much since early 2008!!! Keep in mind I was weighing 157 when I moved back in August, and that was high. Ugh. I actually weighed myself the next day and it was down to 163.5, but still…..the “damage” had been done. (I’m not sure why I was so surprised…..my jeans haven’t been zipping, and I definitely look rounder.)

So yes, the Beck Diet…..right now I’m in Stage 1, which basically is just concentrating on monitoring your urges and whatnot. (I’m really over-simplifying this.) Already I’ve noticed a difference, I’ve even slipped up, but it’s ok. I deserve credit for taking the initiative and doing this on my own! (One of the tasks is to “give yourself credit”, hehe.) It’ll be at least a week before I move onto managing what I actually eat, but I’d say my hands are full at the moment.

I’ll probably be going into more detail as time goes on, but I thought I’d share the news!